Self Medicating

Here in Kuwait you can go to the pharmacy directly and tell them what is wrong, and they give you drugs. Through some recommendations from friends I have some very good stuff. I woke up this morning with a stiff neck. I have a back neck, losing the curve in it. So when I was giving myself a pedicure, it strained my neck looking forward and down for so long. And I have cramps, my period started. So I went to the bathroom and rubbed Fastum gel on my neck, shoulders, forehead, belly, and lower back. It's an anti-inflammatory. And now I am about to drink a glass with a dispersible tablet of Rofenac-D, another anti-inflammatory, analgesic. In about 10 to 15 minutes I should feel like the birds are singing and everything is right with the world.

a High Maintenance evening

I gave myself a pedicure and buffed my nails to high shine with a Sephora professional nail buffer. I highly recommend it for a natural shine. No polish required, so no nail polish to chip and look bad. Maintenance should be efficient and productive. Unlike nail polish which require too much time and attention for a limited time return. I talked to my Mom to tell her I was ok since I hadn't called in a while. I had some nutello by the spoonful. I don't know if they have nutello in the states - it's like chocolate icing and hazelnut spread. Yummm! And then I chatted on-line with 2 friends. One in the states and one in Iraq. And now I am listening to Prince's Sexy M.F. on my playlist. Yes I am.

overdue posting

Oh wow, I can't believe it's a month since I posted. I still have not recieved my civil ID which I need to buy a post paid phone plan that would include internet on my phone. Therefore I have not been able to post on the go. I am really frustrated not having my ID or my driver's license. After 5 months it's getting really old. I have lots to write about.
In brief - I broke up with my boyfriend, I was moved to a better job, I have a cool new boss and coworkers, I am moving soon to a nicer apartment, and I am working on a project to get a job in an awesome country that has nothing to do with the Middle East. Some things are still the same - the weather is weird, it's hot during the day, too many people here are retarded, my roommate is crazy, the uniform irritates me, the call to pray goes off at all hours and wakes me up, ...
to top it all off, the laundry service in the buidling talked to the building owner and the delivery laundry service is no longer allowed in the building. I finally found a service that I liked, that picked up and delivered, and now they are banned from entering the buidling. I had to carry my laundry down stairs, well, down the elevator. Where's the freedom of market? Consumer's choice? Oh right, this isn't a democracy.
I have a hair appointment tomorrow morning. Then I'll be back to update you all on my coming and goings of High Maintenance.

ditto

everything is the same as 2 Sept. Just add more good food, a awesome pair of shoes, a little Saturday morning antiquing...

Ha Ha!

Work is going well; as well as any circus. But that is an insult to any well organized, constantly on the go, happy to be there circus (not including ones with animals but I digress). I still have 3 supervisors fighting over me but at least I am getting my computer access. They can toss me around me around like a beach ball as long as I am going from office to office and out of the sun!!! I am permanent admin as of Sunday. I told myself that I just had to survive August and it would get better from there. And Vwallah! It's happening.
For all of you concerned about my health - worry no more. I am eating sprouted bean seeds, carrots, celery, and other raw fruit and vegetables. Full steam ahead in the health department. I am going to start working out a little again.
time for bed, buenos noches.

High Maintenance "HM"

HM does not like her new high maintenance phone because she hasn't figured out how to use it yet.
HM does not like her yappy roommate talking on the phone in her room right now ruining the classical music playing on WCPE.
HM does not like the hot dirty wind blowing in from the desert filling her lungs with dust, germs, bugs, pollen, garbage, animal carcass, and poop from the hundreds of years of things living and dying in this hell hole.
HM doesn't like the photo she took today for her new ID after sucking in truck exhaust fumes all day while she controlled her post.
HM does not like sitting in this hard chair every day and using her computer. Wishes she had a computer desk.
HM doesn't like the fact that her friend left without selling her his computer desk that she said she liked.
HM doesn't like it when all the nails break but one and now she has to cut it.
HM doesnt' like the shallow wide bowls for eating her cereal because it's too easy to spill the soy milk all over her robe and the floor.
HM doesn't like sitting in this flannel robe because it leaves railroad track marks on her butt.
HM doesn't like the constant prayers over the loud speaker during ramandan.
And that was just today....

Ghetto continued

The drip has spontaneously stopped in the shower ceiling! yeah!

When I came home tonight, there was a horrible smell in the lobby. I thought maybe there was a cat in heat that sprayed or somebody urinated. When the elevator opened, the wave of air was noxious. There was blood on the floor. Then I noticed the pattern - that the blood continued through the lobby in drips every so often. The whole place has a stench I can't describe.

where's my roommate? haven't seen her in a while...

ghetto style

my toilet has a slow leak at the base of it. I would guess that the rubber seal isn't seated properly. But if I pull the little carpet out a few inches, the water spreads out and then gets absorbed by the carpet. So I leave the exhaust fan on all the time and the water evaporates. It's a good system.
I got home today to a drip drip sound in the shower area. The ceiling looked wet and there was a dark spot. Upon closer inspection, it was a hole in the sheet rock. There was a damp mark encircling the hole. Apparently the drip started in the last day, soaked the sheet rock until the force of the drip from a hanging pipe above the ceiling slowly opened a hole about the size of a nickel. Now the drip comes straight through to the tub. "Nothing but net". Eventually the dry wall will dry out and the drip will just keep coming through the hole! No Worries.
I do plan on moving in the next few weeks so I don't care about getting this fixed because that would suck up my precious weekend. The handi-man would certainly make a mess in my bathroom too.
Living large in the ghetto!

tan line of all things

I can't believe I have a tan line. My hands and upper neck and face are exposed. I wear a long sleeve mock turtle neck rash guard with sunglasses and cap so that is all that shows. I work one hour out in the sun and one hour in the air conditioned shack. Hour on/Hour off for 9 of the 12 hours. I guess my SPF 70 met it's match here in Kuwait. I reapplied every time I went out. Keep in mind that I am pasty white, so the slightest little freckle creates a tan line. I'm not tan!
So my new boss said he talked to his boss and my new admin job is a done deal. My supervisor still has to release me tomorrow. I hesitate a little but I think it will be ok. My new boss covers a priority area, especially with the new threat level here with the 6 terrorists they caught planning to attack the military installation here. We are being cautious during Ramadan. I promise that I am being cautious too. NO Worries! It's really business as usual for me.
I really hope to start working the admin job soon and get out of this sun! Oh, the humidity has started. Apparently it will come and go for the next few weeks. All the while, the temperature is going up. I thought the sand storms were bad.. ugh. And you thought humidity would help me breathe and moisten my nose and eyes a little - oh no, not here in Kuwait. Again, their humidity has to be the worst humidity on the planet. It's horrible and going to ramp up to horrendous soon. It chokes you and coats you in sweat from head to toe and in every crevice.
I'll leave you with that.

maybe good news

i interviewed for a permanent admin job with some nice perks... I'll let you know soon. good night. it's late for me

alive and well

I have recuperated from my various illnesses. I had a busy high maintenance weekend eating the best food and shopping at the best stores and savoring the best chocolate you can find in Kuwait.

time for work though, good night.

do you remember in college when...

Do you remember in college when we used to throw food out the window? Some people did it trying to hit people with cans of beans. Some people were just having fun aiming for something. Or it was a combination of the 2 and add in old food that had gone bad.
I am on the top floor of my building. I am a lousy cook and worse at buying groceries. So I either buy too much or don't buy the right stuff.
Tonight I had fun throwing bread out of my window. I bought a loaf downstairs at the little store. I didn't think about it until after I bought it but it was warm to the touch and there was condensation inside the bag. Perfect breeding ground for mold. So out the window it went. Piece by piece. I tried throwing it like a frisby but it kept curling back towards the buidling. I guess it was catching too much air. So I started throwing it vertically and it got a lot further. I can't hear the bread hit and I can barely see it so ... not so much fun.
I also threw out some apricots that were too damaged to eat and I've already eaten 5 of them today. Fruit is more fun to throw. Its got weight and makes a noise when it hits. There is a dumpster across the street that I aim for. One, the dumpster is for garbage. Two, that's where the 2 legged and 4 legged scavengers will come at night to eat. They will find the fruit tonight.
I also started standing back from the window and really throwing it hard. I've almost made it to the little utility building down from the dumpster. Too much fun.
The poor little guards have got to wonder what the fuck is going on. Food falling from the sky. I do this as least once a week.
I am so easily amused. Can you imagine if I did drugs?

Iran

I've been told that we can see the coast of Iran from Kuwait on a clear day. I am close enough to the city and industry that the pollution prevents any clear days that would allow me to see that far. When the weather breaks in September, I will go down to the beaches south of here where some of my co-workers live and see what we can see. Something to look forward to... ha ha

respiratory infection

I have basicly been home most of the weekend with a cough, aches, chills, and today added runny nose, sneezing and the whole respiratory works. I already had a doctor's appointment to follow up on the heat exhaustion so I am now diagnosed with upper respiratory infection. This infection is from the sand storm last Monday. I still got it after the other antibiotic I was on. I've got 3 meds I'm taking. Another antibiotic, cough syrup, and decongestant. The doctor gave me another 3 days off of work. I want to know what my new job is but I ache all over, cough often enough that I won't sleep, so no, I'm not going in.
Plus, the cough is like acid reflux. If I sleep flat on my back, I cough more because it's easier for it to come up. I discovered that if I put the pillows in a wedge shape propping myself up, i sleep easier. I still wake up thirsty or needing something after 4 hours but I'm not in the middle of a coughing fit when I do wake up.
I think tomorrow I'm going the pharmacy to get some oxygen. Yes, an oxygen tank. I need to breathe some clean air. Oxygen is a proven and otherwise well touted method to retain your youth. Michael Jackson is said to have slept in an oxygen tank. And see how well that worked!
I love being able to go to the pharmacy and get whatever you want. But Kuwait is like that. If you got the money, you name it, you can have it.
I wish I could buy some sleep right now!

still coughing so I quarantined myself

It's Saturday night. I am still coughing from the sand storm on Monday. I have a doctor's appointment in the morning to follow up on the heat exhaustion. There is a nasty but highly effective cough syrup I was told about so I will ask the doctor for it. Today I boiled some water and put a spoon of tiger balm (menthol) in the water to breathe the steam. It worked for a while and cleared out my upper respiratory troubles. but now I ache all over. I hope a good nights sleep will make me feel better. I just can't believe that another weekend is going by and I have done nothing fun, spent it sick or alone. Somebody should be taking care of me.
I started the day on IM with a friend. Which was nice because I didn't have to talk and therefore did not induce a coughing spell. I spent the day playing with paypal trying to figure out how my friend can pay me back some money he owes me. He's going to the bank tomorrow. Then I spent a couple of hours helping another friend book a flight on Delta to go home on an emergency situation. I got 2 phone calls and an e-mail from co-workers checking on me to see if I was still alive. That's a good feeling.
I was going to get a massage today at the Hilton. I was going to have the therapist massage the space in between the ribs. There are tiny muscles there. Massaging my ribs would help release the crud in my lungs. But I realized that I would be taking the chance of being quarantined. I had a co-worker quarantined for 3 days against his will about a month ago. As an American contractor, we are the source of Swine Flu in case you didn't know. If I went in there asking them to help with my cough, there was the remote possibility that I could get turned in to the Ministry of "who knows what it's called but the end result is the same" - QUARANTINED!
So Sunday will be chore day since I did none today. Groceries, Laundry, Doctor. No massage for me...

little trick

I had a bottle of apple spritzer from Apollinaris in my fridge. I was introduced to this little treat by a high maintenance friend of mine. It's labeled "the queen of table water". So I couldn't open the metal twist cap with my little highly moisterized hands. I hit it with a knife a few times but it still wouldn't come off.
So I went for something else. You may or may not have seen these shoe inserts but there are clear rubbery shoe inserts to pad the ball of your foot in high heals. They look like silicone and are slightly sticky to stay in place. Being high maintenance, I have a collection of 3 pairs of varying shapes for different shoes. All clean of course, ready for the next wearing.
It did the trick. Came right open. Cheers!

Friday Night

I survived another day at work outside. I took lots of breaks and ate through out the day. My co-worker was cool and kept checking in on me through out the day.
But an interesting thing has developed. I had a little cough, kinda tickle in the throat that started yesterday. My co-worker pointed out the very bad sand storm on Monday that I worked through for 4 hours. Tuesday it layed dormant in my lungs. Wednesday it layed dormant in my lungs. Finally Thursday my lung began to expell the sand and dust. I have been coughing all day and have a hoarse voice off and on depending on how much phlegm is in my throat. I didn't want to believe it at first but he's right. It's the crap from Monday just coming up now. It's the same cough and feeling as the last time I worked through a sand storm.
Every person I talk to that has worked through the Middle East or any other shit hole that military are sent to, tell me that this is the worst climate they have ever experienced.
Living the dream every day....

I was thinking more about my internal struggle of what to do with my life. I am choosing between working against evil, trying to stop evil; and working to support good and healthy causes. We need people to fight the bad in the world.

well rested

I am well rested after 3 days of sick leave. I think tomorrow at work shouldn't be too bad based on my duty assignment. I hoping to hear something in the way of good news. Maybe they miss me. LOL
I stayed off the computer these last few days too. Just relaxing.
so good night all.

I am what I am

My attempt to be hard core and prove to myself that I can do anything I set my mind too, has failed. I am a lady, a delicate and fragile creature that can only dream of being a tough warrior of strength and physical perfection. I don't know why this was a goal of mine. I admire and envy the strength, courage, and sheer force that exists in these men. Maybe the independent streak in me needed to prove I could do it. I never deployed myself during my Army time and I regret that. This trip to Kuwait was my version of a deployment. This suffering was my test of fortitude. I wanted to be able to say that I have been there, done that. I have found some combat veterans that shared some of their stories from Iraq and Kosovo with me. The bravery, fortitude and adaptibility are just amazing. It's hard to imagine without being there but my extreme ability for empathy allows me to feel their stories when they tell them to me. This circus I live in now is no where near what they went through and I'm not making it.

I am a suffering from heat exhaustion. The harsh conditions here have gotten me. Kuwaiti Krud got me. The crazy schedule has gotten me. It's has if work has set up the schedule and work to make you fail. We sit around at work and talk about how they try to set us up to fail. They only provide one meal in a 12.5 hour period and don't always allow breaks other than the half hour for lunch. I will tell you about my worst Monday ever in the next blog.

The funny thing is the response from my co-workers. They all see me as admin and as a lady. Ironicly, that is admirable to them. They don't understand why I wanted to be anything but that. My chill-axtion attitude worked for a while. I was one of the worker bees, bottom of the totem pole, suffering with the other manual labor. Despite my best efforts to blend in, to talk the talk, hang with the gang, and the southern accent I picked up, they all have seen me for what I am, even more than I see of myself. Almost everyone I talked to can't believe that I'm not in the office anymore and gave the customary "this is bull-shit" comment. You got to drag out the bull part. Only one person said something negative about me needing more training. The rest recognize that I was doing a good job and I belong in the office, not out in the field with the grunts. I had plenty of volunteers to sign my "bull-shit petition". LOL I didn't really start one but they said they would sign it!

The big boss told me last week that I would be back in the office when the new trailers come. the big big boss is almost done with 3 trailers, admin, sgt's and conference room. My big boss said he was going to put me in the Sgt's trailer, not even with admin! ha ha that would really piss them off. Supposably the trailers will be ready in a week or two but you know how things go. I also had my big boss talk to the big big boss about going to another department. I think that coversation happened because I saw the big big boss twice on Monday and he said he had a face to go with the name. But he's met 3 times already. Things that make you go.. hmmmm.

I have another friend that is supposed to drop my name to him this week too. He just got a job in another high profile security division and is highly regarded. I am going to call the big big boss too. I need out of the field. I just have to make it through August I keep telling myself. I think I have 6 sick days. One per week could make this more bearable. By September, the weather will be better. I will be stronger. I hope to have another job!

The other thing, I need to not be so proud. I need to play the feable card. The feable helpless females get put in other jobs. I have to tell them that I can't make it. I have to admit to myself that there are some things I can't do. I always have a positive attitude and get the job done. This is the first sign of weakness I have shown. I have been wearing my game face the rest of the time. You know I hate to get promoted or moved for the wrong reasons. But this isn't my world and my trusted advisors here tell me I need to play the game, work the system. Or the system will work me. (insert ominous music here)

The worst sandstorm ever in Iraq

Satelite image of Iraq, surrounding area including Kuwait and the Persian Gulf:

The worst sand storm ever seen by residents of Iraq blew through the second week in July. We saw the effects of the storm here in Kuwait the next week. It was pretty amazing how my knowledge of storms and seasons still applied here in this climate. Before the storm the weather was really calm and the temperatures dropped. After the storm, the winds were strong and the air actually had a slightly fresh quality to it. I was amazed by that since the air has been so polluted and dusty since I got here. Maybe the air will improve with the winter months...

The first 2 pictures I received from someone else. The last 3 pictures are pictures of the water in the Persian Gulf taken from my apartment window. You can see the wind really pushing the waves. That is a Kuwaiti Navy vessel parked outside my window 24/7. It's hanging down wind from it's anchor.

I was lucky in that I was working in the office and only had to go outside for brief periods. The temperatures are also only going into the 110' range. I don't think we have gone over 120' too many times. So again, I am very lucky!

from the news:

Hundreds of Iraqis have turned to hospitals in seek of medical help due to the ongoing sandstorm in the country. The storm has been continuing for over a week, and citizens are suffering from breathing problems and clogged eyes. Those who have asthma are especially vulnerable. The storm has caused multiple flight cancellations and delays as well as changes in the Middle East visiting program of Joe Biden, the US vice-president. In addition, supply of electricity has been disrupted in Baghdad, since all plants had to be closed for a clean-up. Many stores are also closed. As a member of the Iraqi health ministry says, it is “the worst sandstorm we have ever had in Iraq”. Among the reasons for such strong storms are the shortage of water in the rivers and prolonged droughts.

oh my pants

the super glue has left a drip mark that looks wet. Since I love these pants and planned on having them for a long time, I know anticipate the forever conversation - "You dripped something on your pants." "oh, thanks, but it's super glue from 10 years ago"
ack.... and it did pull some skin off my knee that hurts more than it should for the size of the mark it left.

The Domino effect of super glue

So the water filter in the kitchen has been leaking. The door handle on the front door has been coming off. My bathroom door is loose. The shower head has all the little plastic pieces that squeeze the water into a jet broke off(well, I did that trying to fix it.. oops).

So I bought a new shower head and put that on. Easy.

Called the buidling haras to fix the water leak. He came, looked, and then went for his tool box. Dumb. I called for a plumber.

So I decided to work on the door while he was here. The face plate was loose on the outside and one of the screw holes was stripped. I put super glue on both screws and screwed them back in with my pocket multi-tool. Easy. The handle comes off leaving the shaft sticking out. It matches up square shaft inside square handle hole. So I put some super glue on the shaft and put the handle back on. Leave it sit.

I go back and check on the dude in the kitchen. He put in a new filter! How nice. He says all good. I thank him. So I ask him to look at the door that won't shut right. We like to shut the kitchen door so we can't hear the washing machine. It hits in the bottom corner. He gets out a screw driver and chips away at the corner of the frame. I'm impressed. I didn't think of that. I was going to sand it down. Then he tries to bend the door. I'm no longer impressed.

I go back to check on the front door and let him be stupid by himself. I grab the handle and now the handle comes off with the shaft attached! Crap. Not what I wanted to happen! So I go get the super glue. I put glue on the other end of the shaft and hope I am not permanently fixing the door handle in one position. As I am putting the glue on all four sides and thinking ahead, instead of focusing, I drip super glue down the front knee of my $70 sun pants that I love. Shit! I shove the handle back in and hope for the best and run for the bathroom. The label doesn't say anything other than flush with water. I know better than to believe that but I try anyways. I change into some shorts. The glue went through to my knee. Don't care about my knee. I rinse the pants in hot water. The drain plug doesn't work. I put a plastic bag in the sink with the pants in it. I turn the water on.

I go to check on the dude. He's done all good. He leaves. I start to clean up the water on the floor. I hear it.... Crap. I run back to the bathroom and the floor is covered in water. But as always, there is the silver lining. The entire apartment is tile and there is raised door jam on the floor to the bathroom. There is also a drain in the middle of the floor. So I get the squeegy and presto, the floor is almost dry. I drain the sink and put my pants in the wash.

And best of all, the front door handle is fixed and works like a charm.

Let's hope the pants come out ok....

anxious

I woke up anxious about going to work. I don't like that feeling. I feel contracted and in a hurry. I called my boss yesterday and reminded him to walk my resume over to his boss at the big admin office. I am anxious if I will get another job before next week when I have to start working outside. Normally I am of the belief that will work and I only worry a little bit. I think the screwy sleep schedule of being on the night shift and then having random sleep on the weekends as left me vulnerable to my negative thoughts.
I believe things will work out, and may even work in a way that I didn't anticipate and it may even be better than I thought. I always find the silver lining.
This is my current tool to help me get back on track:

http://www.intuitionzone.com/morning/

Hmm, I seem to have trouble with java on this page.

good morning sunshine

I am sitting in my room eating breakfast. Nescafe Gold instant coffee. Too lazy to make real coffee. Too lazy to buy tea from the store when I can procure it from the dining facility but seemed to have failed to remember that yesterday. And eating the Ethiopian grain dish that my roommate made. It's spicy too. Really going to wake up my day! She added potato and carrot this time. There was a small chunky brown thing in it too but I avoided that. She's at work so I couldn't ask what it was. We share food a little so it's nice. Like if I buy a box of plums or something, she eats some. When she cooks she always offers. If it wasn't for her use of sardines, I would eat more of her cooking.

So here I sit, coffee, mushy yummy food, clear view of the water, and I just called my big boss to remind him per his request. He is hand walking my request for interview and resume over to his boss at the main admin building. I am hoping to work at the ID office. I think I would get a security clearance which would be a huge bonus! I could get almost any job after that. I would wear the same pants to work but a polo shirt, hair down, and regular shoes. That's a pretty nice uniform! I like wearing the uniform pants because that saves me from having to buy pants for work that aren't too sexy. Which is a challenge for hot little me.

I realized a few days ago that I am in for a whole-nother wave of attention. When I switch to day shift, there will be thousands of contractors on base each day that haven't seen me yet. And if I get a job where I can wear my hair down... It's going to be a feeding frenzy.

whoo, hold on. I need some acid reducer pills. Coffee has been giving me heart burn lately and I just added that spicy food on top of it. wowzers.

Ok. Today I am doing laundry, working on some resumes, paying bills, and maybe going up to Kuwait City or some touristy thing. My friend has the car today from his shift so we go have some fun. We both need to run some errands like the grocery store and the tailor.

have a great day.
Smile.

the plumber just left

It's 11:15 am and I have been up since 2 PM yesterday. When I got home this morning from work, the maids arrived as usual to clean. They use the "rinse" hose in the bathroom to clean the floor. I scrubed an extra spot around the drain and decided to rinse it. The hose wouldn't turn off. I have been waiting for the last hour for the plumber to come and turn off the water and replace the handle. He tried to tell me his name and how to call him if I needed anything but all I wanted to say was thank you and good bye. I am so tired I can barely see. I just work 5 - 14 hour days. I am going to sleep for a measely 6 hours and go to dinner. cheerio.....

everything changes every day, no, make that 2 days

I could have post a new status of my job almost every day this week. One day I'm going to be in the office. Two days later I'm back outside doing security work.

What I am talking about is what is going to happen to me in a week. I am night shift now and we are switching to days. The admin office is full during the day. Supposably one of them was going to nights with their shift. But the Admin supervisor said the office was full and I couldn't work there even though my supervisors wants me there. Hmmm, I think I might dilute the office a little... is the problem. I need to work on my tan.

But my big boss said he is going to hand walk my resume and job posting over to the big-big boss on Sunday for another admin department. He even asked me to call him Sunday morning to remind him so I think he really intends to do it. I got to work with the big-big boss this week and his staff on a little project and made a good impression. So keep your fingers crossed. I might be out of my security uniform by next week!

Editors note: Friday and Saturday are the weekend here. Sunday is our Monday.

Romaine Lettuce

My kingdom for Romaine Lettuce.

Romaine lettuce is so healthy for you where as iceburg lettuce is just water and fiber. There are several dining facilities available to me. The midnight meal for the soldiers has romaine lettuce and facility closest to where I work has iceburg lettuce. Soldiers always have the better food! So I spend a fair amount of energy trying to get a ride or borrow a car to get to the other facility. Last night I successfully borrowed the training vehicle and I think I will be able to repeat that most nights.
For a snack later on, we fill paper cups with food and put the plastic lid on it. Most people take grapes or donuts. I take carrot & celery sticks. Last night I ate a bowl of lettuce and then filled a cup to go. People must be getting used to me because no one even blinked that I was eating lettuce on the bus on the ride home!

Admin Diva in the making

the big boss just told me that I'll probably be in the office when we switch to days... I am relieved but not counting my chickens yet. He's a little too slick for me. I owe my man for this saving grace (working inside out of the heat and sun). He told me exactly what to do. It's a tragedy that our relationship ended but yet he was always there for me. He will be happy for me.

Death and Life

Death is a half inch and one second away at any given point. Life is right here and now on top of you. People spend too much time worrying about death out there and not enough time living in the here and now.
The same could be said of fear, insecurities, anxiety, and any other negative emotion.

I have been loved before, been hurt before, left with broken heart, but I am still here, still ok, better for it. I will love again. I will have a broken heart again. I don’t put any energy into avoiding the inevitable. Focusing on the broken part brings it about sooner and more often. I choose to focus on the love. Therefore I have more love in my life.


One of my favorite quotes:

If you wish to travel far and fast, travel light. Take off all your envies, jealousies, unforgiveness, selfishness, and fears.

by Glenn Clark

Intuition

My intuition is getting stronger... I saw it coming. I broke up with my man. He didn't learn anything that I can tell. I learned that I like who I am even if it means getting hurt once in a while. Have an open and patient heart. Know what is good for you, listen to your inner voice, and you can never go wrong for too long.

Primanti Brother's sandwich in the Middle East

I thought maybe I had found something from Kuwait that I liked, but it turns out Falafel is from Eqypt originally. It is now commonly found through out the Middle East.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Falafel

First, Falahel is a vegetable meatball. Sometimes made with mashed fava beans, it is more commonly made with chickpea and mixed with tahini (sesame seed paste),rolled into balls, and then fried. The falahel I had today was green though. The guy said it had leaves from the plants of some herbs. He said it was all vegetable and very good for your health. "Eat everyday... no problems...good for you" It was really good and I will definitley have it again.

So here's the sandwich part. I said I would have some falahel and all of sudden it turned into a sandwich. Pita bread would more traditional but these guys grabbed a hot dog bun. I stopped asking why a long time ago and just smile. So they grab this hot dog bun, start putting 2 or 3 falahel balls in it, some french fries, some cucumber/tomato dressing (I pulled off the tomatoes), some eggplant which I stopped immediately, and some other liquid dressing. At this point it went on the heater thing that I guess could be described as a giant panini sandwich toaster. So I'm eating this most interesting sandwich that tasted very good but the french fries were the kicker. Falahel balls are traditional. When did they decide to start putting french fries on it? I guess everything is better with french fries!

This is a fast food joint. Sometimes they are called shwarma stands. It's a little room with a counter and the cooking area right behind the register. There are usually tables and chairs outside but not inside. The falahel sandwich is wrapped in wax paper and served on a tin plater. If you eat it at the stand, you always get a little plastic bag with some vinegared vegetable slices. One or two pieces of carrot, one piece that is some kind of cucumber, and one piece of a white root vegetable. Again, I don't ask why or what. Just eat it and say thank you. A box of facial tissues was placed at my table for napkins. This seems to be common too. I would think napkins would be cheaper but a box has a better chance of staying put in the wind than a pile of napkins. A box is also easier to move from table to table and take back inside or behind the counter after the customer leaves.

busy week

the lack of new posts is due to a busy week. I got home late from work every day this week. It made me feel constantly behind. I used the yahoo IM a couple of days on the bus so I didn't have time to post then. So far this weekend I spent most of my time with my man and today running errands. So everything is ok; It was just one of those weeks!

You know it's hot when...

... I am keeping the air conditioner on level 3 cold at 7 PM at night instead of turning it down to level 1 when I arrive at the office.
... when you start sweating from your apartment door to getting on the bus
...

I will keep update this as August grinds on.

filter on the washing machine

I didn't really pay attention to the brown thing hanging on the wall until my clothes starting coming out of the wash dingy and gray. I checked it out and it's a filter that hasn't been changed in a long time! So I took a picture of it and went to the hardware store. Although there was little English spoken, a picture can say a thousand words. So later that day I come home with a completely white filter and I don't really believe it's the right one but I'm trusting the guy. My man helped me take it apart and behold, it is the right filter. The new filter has been in for 2 weeks now and it's already a light brown. gross. So this is why my clothes are a mess. I see other people wearing white shirts that are still looking nice and I have been watching the people in my buidling too. I thought maybe there was some rust or debris in the water tanks on the roof. But other people are getting clean clothes. What's wrong in my apartment? I might have to bother the harras next weekend about it.

New favorite radio station

I was listening to B94 from Pittsburhg but the music got redundant; imagine that. I found all 80’s music on Boston 80’s channel. That was too limited for my preference as well. I just found 96.5 Wayback channel out of Hartford CT. It's under the 70's/80's pop category. Oh my gosh, I actually want to call off of work to stay home and listen to music. I didn’t want to go to sleep last night. All my favorites. These are all on CBS radio player internet streaming radio.

moving right along

When you are gone from your apartment for 15 hours a day, time flies. I can’t believe another week has gone by. I haven’t had much to say for several reasons. Kuwait sucks and I don’t like to constantly be negative.
To tell the Kuwait story would require me to be looking for things to tell or setting up situations to have a story to tell. I would rather turn a blind eye to what I don’t want to see, be positive and make the best of it.
It seem like if I want to get pinched, I have to put on my traditional Friday night mall clothes from back home and go to the mall alone. This is only moderately risky. I got better things to do than cruise the mall.
I can’t write about work on this blog for security and anonymity reasons. I might start a semi-fictional story with work as the basis because there is some seriously funny material there.
Or might just spend more time with My Man. Yeah, I like the sound of that better. We are back together. Long story short, all you need to know is that we talked and we are working things out. I can always learn something new. Maybe he will too. Understanding, compassion, and communication won the day. As I said before, I probably won’t be writing too much about us out of respect for his privacy. But I am very happy. He writes too. We are reading each other’s stuff.
So I have thinking about the title and purpose of this blog for about a week. My thesis fell flat on its face. I didn’t get pinched, didn’t get to confront anybody. All anybody wants to know is if I am married, children, and/or boyfriend. I haven’t’ had too many intelligent conversations. Even my cab drivers are driving me nuts. The dude from Afghanistan wants me to take him to America or get him a job on post. Bj wants, well, I’m not sure; he just keeps asking me to keep in touch. He calls once a week. You do the math.
So that eliminates 3 of my main topics: culture, work, and men. What’s left? Ha-Ha So I will update my friends and families on activities, and day to day funny stuff. Probably vent a little bit. And share my happiness journey. That is a deeply internal ongoing search for the mental power to determine my attitude and my own happiness.
I want to focus on things that expand me, not contract me. These stories will flow naturally out of me. More so than the negative focus. It’s just not in my nature.
Superficially speaking, the search for a title, well it’s like searching or deciding on a tattoo. How do you decide what represents you and what you believe? What can you put out there in front of the whole world to see? I would prefer the title to be funny. I don’t want to just be a journal of an American living in Kuwait. That’s been done and you know I like to be an original. Oh, I got it. High Maintenance in the Middle East. Hmm, some variation of that. I plan on indulging all my senses and desires during my time in Kuwait. I plan on leaving this shithole looking as young as I do now and that is going to take some serious work. But if I get a job in Iraq or Afghanistan, that will change. How will High Maintenance live in the barracks? I can be hard core, if I have to! Let me think on this perspective for a while. What do you guys want to hear about? I’m always thinking commercialization too. Can you see it on the travel channel? High Maintenance Survival Guide: How to keep a sand storm from ruining your complexion.

I'm in trouble now...

between the Hilton resort and the organic cafe I just found, I'm going to be broke! J/K but it'll be hard to control my spending. For 5KD or $17 I got organic spinach, vegetable, lentil soup that should last several days. And I got some organic spelt spiral noodles. If I am reading the label correctly there is lots of protein in them. I also got a can of spice ginger soda. It's tasty!
oh, the cute little Phillipino man at the store walked me out, and out of hearing range of the Kuwaiti woman sitting inside, to tell me he will give me a 15% discount the next time I come. He hopes we can be friends. "Do you have family?" "no" "oh, still single!"..
"yeah, see ya next week"

Bling Bling & Bang-Bang

I have watched Anthony Bourdain travel to several Middle Eastern countries and enjoyed the hospitality afforded to an American male. Many of the males here have been invited to the country clubs, the homes of Kuwaiti males for tea, for tennis, for boat parties. I didn’t anticipate any of these courtesies being extended to me and I was right. The only thing any TCN, Kuwaiti, or for that matter American male wants to know, is if I have a family. Meaning am I married with a husband and kids. I did ask around about the hand gesture with the two index fingers coming together parallel. It means married or boyfriend. The Kuwaiti and/or Muslims don’t believe in pre-marital sex so they rush to get married. As a result the divorce rate is very high in Kuwait.
As I am writing this on paper for later transfer to the computer I have discovered that it is either too hot or too dusty outside for my papermate pen to work. My page is covered in scribbles and angry slashes trying to get it to work.
Back to Kuwait. Some of the guys that were working here before say things are already changing. A few years ago the women were walking behind the men at the mall. Now you can see them walking side by side and talking to each other. I even saw a little finger touching and for a brief moment a couple intertwined their fingers in public. I don’t know if they were married; probably not, there were happy. Ha-ha just kidding. I also saw a pregnant woman and her husband walking in the mall, her holding his pinky finger. I saw another couple walking arm in arm.
The other thing happening to Kuwait is hip-hop. IT IS SO FUNNY. Pimp my ride has nothing on some of these vehicles. Lights all over, D&C upholstery, rims, the works. Hip-Hop, gangster rap, and money to blow is a dangerous combination that will lure the youth of Kuwait away from the traditional ways. In my high school, the biggest druggies and trouble makers were the wealthy kids. They were the ones who could afford expensive habits like clothes, cars, drugs, women, etc. The really crazy part is that the Kuwaitis are so wealthy that everything is disposable to them, even a $50k or $70k car. It’s nothing to them. They can buy a new one when they wreck this one. Nothing like a little “keeping up with the Jones” to change a culture.
There is a hierarchy on the roads too. The bigger or more expensive your vehicle, then that vehicle has the right away. They don’t wear seat belts; they drive with children on their lap (men & women) and talk on their cell phone which is illegal. So they’re driving all crazy, cutting people off and expecting all concerned to yield to them because they are Kuwaiti. They also drive at night without their lights on because it’s not cool to do so. The young Kuwaiti males like to talk like a rapper or dress like the people in the music videos on the multiple MTV channels that run over here. They like the bling bling and have the money to buy it.
The women are said to be promiscuous. They may be wearing an abaya or some version of covering but they will talk to a man without looking at him. Then they will pass their number to him and move on. There is enough physical abuse against women that they will chance trouble to meet an American. The American risks getting his ass beat too for seeing a Kuwaiti woman. A highly repressed person will behave in a counter effort to the repression seeking the withheld need. I can’t verify that this happens but it makes sense. Nobody wants to be alone, or beat, or put down. They are going to seek companionship, love, and freedom. Like I said, unfortunately most of what I will tell you will be second hand information since I am missing out on a lot.
I have even heard something that is extreme but still possible. The Romans were like this too: Men are for pleasure and women are for babies. They are extremely anti-gay in Muslim religion but something is amiss. Men walk hand in hand. They act in a suggestive way to each other. I have seen these two things. I can see a culture from another perspective, not just filtered with my own eyes, and I tell you – they are intimate with each other. They might not call it gay but they are together. I think something is being lost in translation. I am sure something is going on that outsiders are not told about. I am sure I will be writing about this again….

ok, so maybe they play Whitesnake all the time

ok, so maybe Boston's 80's channel, http://player.play.it/player/player.html?v=4.1.25&id=2105&onestat=wbzw-fm , plays Whitesnake all the time. Well, Whitesnake wrote the songs to my life and I love it.
I found a place at the mall where I can get a spinach wrap for about $3. I spent some time talking to a Phillipino at Caribou Coffee. We discussed taxes, coffee vs Turkish coffee vs cappucino and Canadian imigration. He was very effiminate (affeminate,...) he behaved in a feminine way. I think he was freaking out his Indian co-worker a little. It was funny. They were nice. I'll stop back next weekend for a chat.
I talked to my cab driver, BJ too. He's from Yemen, lived in America for a while, and came over for a business deal with his friend. As it seems to happen a lot here, his friend screwed him over and he's driving a cab now. He dresses, speaks, and mostly acts Western. Which if you don't know, we - Americans, are westerns. Asian, Indians, Phillipinos, etc are easterns. I don't like all these categories but they make a difference over here. Anyways, BJ speaks excellent english including slang, inuendo, and humor. He has been a great resource. He's always telling me to be a good. Ha Ha. He's muslim and wants me to be behave. Cab drivers know all your business. They are the ones taking you places in the middle of the night that you shouldn't be going to! LOL. He is tolerant and willing to educate and discuss issues with Americans. I think I've mentioned him before. He's going to help me buy a new phone this coming weekend. You see as a Westerner, and as a female, they will charge me the most. I go into the store and pick out what I want. Then leave. BJ will go in after me, ask for the same thing and get a better price. I come back in and finish the deal. I want the Nokia N97. big bucks and cool stuff. But I'll have it forever and it will work in the states too when I get back. I will be able to blog from my phone at any time too. I will also be able to chat on IM. I'm excited.

It's been a chicken or beef morning

I felt like shit this morning. I slept from 9:30 am to 7 pm and laid in bed dreaming for an hour or so before I got up. I was a little dehydrated from not drinking water for so long. I ordered delivery for dinner, ate, and did a little computer work. It's hard being quiet but awake and lively when there are 2 people sleeping in the apartment. By 1:30 am I was tired again and went back to sleep. I had the worst headached when I woke up this morning at 6 am. I ate cereal and dranks some tea and water. I felt better for a few minutes and continued to drink water. But then I started feeling like I was going to throw up. And the 2 aceteminiphin.... weren't working either. My mood wasn't helping either. My brain hurt. Everything sucked. I'm so dehydrated from sleeping too much. I need sleep. I need water. This whole place sucks. My bad crazy roommate is home today for some reason. Again, her very existance puts me into tense state. She's cooking and it stinks. She doesn't use the exhaust fan. My maids were here yesterday and the place was spotless. Now there are crumbs everywhere. She's grating on my nerves. I drank a glass of water with apple cider vinegar fast and took a hot shower. The headache began to ease up. Afterwards I rubbed jojoba oil all over my body. My skin is starting to look better, the red dots are gone, the trench foot is clearing up, and my nails are starting to grow again. Thank goodness I am in the office. Now I'm feeling better. So I am eating dessert - Egyptian Kilo which is another version of baklahva - walnuts, honey, crunchy pastry. delicious.
I almost booked another massage today at the Hilton Spa. I've decided to wait until next weekend (payday) and sign up for a 3 month membership - $500. I get 5 massages, unlimited access to the aqua medic pool, sauna, steam, ice room, and Turkish bath. I also get 4 free passes for a friend. So I can get a massage every 2 or 3 weeks and use the Turkish bath and sauna on the other weekends. Then enjoy the private beach, have lunch in one of the 5 restaurants, and then finally come home. If I get a boyfriend he can use the free passes and we can enjoy the day at the beach and fine dining.
I'm waiting because I am enjoying having money in my account for a change! lol. And I need to work on 2 resumes today, go to the grocery store, and finish my laundry. i also like having enough money to pay for a plane ride home. Just in case something happens here and I need to get out fast. If something happens and I loose my job, I have to pay for a plane ride home. If I should break a Kuwaiti law of even the simpliest type, if there is potential jail time, I need to get the next flight out before they put a travel ban on my passport. Unfortunately my passport is still being at processing waiting for my residency card. They say you can get it back in 24 hours if something happens. This might sound like I am being paranoid but when you live in a foreign country and are subject to their laws, not all of which you know, then you have to be ready. And people do leave in the middle of night. I have already seen it happen. Chicken or beef? referring to the meal selection on the plane. Hit a camel - chicken or beef? Offend His Royal Highness the Amir - chicken or beef? Get in a car accident with a Kuwaiti citizen - chicken or beef?
If you hit a camel, you have to pay for that camel and 3 generations of camels. it's something like $90,000. If you get into a car accident with a Kuwaiti, you are at fault. Pay for it all. It costs $100 just to get a police report. You need the police report to get your car fixed. They won't touch it without the report. It's so bad that the major rental companies won't rent to people who work for my company because too many of us have gone chicken or beef on them and left the rental company with a wrecked car.
ok, the sugar is kicking in. I need to get ready to go to the store before it gets too late in the day. For me, this morning, it was almost chicken or beef or vegetarian... but I think I can hang in here...

sex nazi's

Boston Legal is not as much fun to watch when they cut the sex scenes out. All the TV shows and movies are edited for content. The movie theatre looks nice but none of us are really willing to pay to see an edited movie. There are bootleg copies available for about $3 a piece but some are really bad. Somebody will video tape their TV from their couch and sell that! To make it worse, somebody will get up off the couch in the middle of the movie and walk across the front of the TV!! Some others go to the theatre and video tape the movie from their seat. Of course the audio sucks on all these copies. There are better copies that were made somehow electronically. I have seen one that was missing the left and right sides of the screen or off center. The audio is better but maybe off by a second or two. They are at least tolerable to watch. damn, here comes the end of Boston Legal,... a bedroom scene, and it will leave me hanging mid breathe...

It's the weekend!

In a few hours I will be done with work for this week. I spent the whole week in the office and it looks like I will be back in the office next week too. I don't ask any questions. I show up and do what I am told. I think they like. No trouble here. I am starting to get a little self assurant that I know how things work around here. People are talking already about me being in admin so fast. Most females mess up and make mistakes at their job site. They put them in admin to keep them from fucking up worse. logical, right? Like if a female gets caught sleeping with a pillow and blanket at her job site a few times,... she might end up in admin. But you know I have been pulling my weight around here and doing a good job so it's confusing people. So that previously mentioned female is now somebody's secretary and I haven't been able to determine if her position is permanent or not. I am doing her old job right now. So for now my position is still a special detail or temporary assignment.
Well, socially things are up and down. In the course of my work I had interactions with a guy that works on base. He got my name off of my uniform, asked his friend to pass me his phone number. I sent him a text message saying hello. He was on base to go see a movie. I had him swing around my area to say hello. I did not meet him at my office. Don't want him to know any more about me then necessary. We chatted for a bit and I remembered who he was. But I'm not interested in going out so I told him I was seeing somebody. I don't know if it's true since I haven't heard from my man. But I am not interested in this particular guy, I'm not interested in started something right now. So that was exciting for about 10 minutes.
Somebody asked how it is making friends with all these guys over here. It's tenuous. You don't know if they are capable of being just friends. Or are hoping for more. When they fade away after a few weeks, I know they were hoping for more and can't be friends anymore, or got bored and moved on. I don't spend any time with the guys I started with at the beginning. I might talk to them once in a while but it's so casual and redundant it's almost not worth the effort. And if you don't have the same days off, you will never see each other.
It's also hard because this place is full of rejects or people running away from stuff at home. You could talk to somebody for months and not know that they owe child support, have 3 ex-wives, and drink too much when they are in the states. If they don't talk about it, you never know. Almost everybody is here for the money. People who do things just for the money, well, you need to be cautious. I am here for the money. I got bills to pay. I also wanted the experience of traveling and living in another country. NOBODY picks Kuwait or any other Muslim country as their first destination for travel and experience. I would like to teach English in Japan but it's not enough money. So there you go. Don't trust me either. I'm here to get in and get out.
Having 2 days off a week and money to spend and being surrounded by guys makes it hard not to want some version of a real life. I would rather work 6 days a week, live on base, never leave base, and make more money faster - get out of here faster. Get on with my life.
I will continue to write about Kuwait and the culture but I have already concluded that this place is a garbage dump, literally and figuratively. It's a shit hole and there's nothing here to learn that is positive. You can learn what not to do, or what might be a bad way of living and be motivated by that to change, but change to what? That's what I seek. I want to live and learn from a positive example.
I hope to find a boyfriend to spend my time with and enjoy myself. Maybe there is a gem hidden amongst the beasts. My heart is always open but I am leading with my mind right now. I am focused on paying off my bills, saving, and getting to law school.

a satisfied and content woman....

… Puts in brighter lights so she can see all the wrinkles and stray hairs in the mirror
… Lets her man cook for her
… Hires a maid
… asks, “is he bigger than me?” when the guys try to tell her this seat is taken
… can stand in front of room full of men and not flinch
… make decisions that are best for her despite the rumors
… answers, “all you need to know is it’s not you” when asked if she is dating anyone
… dates only people who bring positive energy to her life
… doesn’t feel the need to pretend to be an innocent babe to retain the affections of her man
… is strong and confident in her sexuality
… knows how to use WD40 when the door squeaks
… works long and hard to reach her goals, not waiting for a man to rescue her
… still hopes it might happen
… may fight aging on the outside but loves being her age on the inside
… needs a man to hold her tight at night and hold her up to her own standards in the light of day
… doesn’t regret a thing but always looks for the lesson
… realizes that not everyone is going to like her and that’s ok
… doesn’t expect a man to carry her bag but will be grateful when it happens
… appreciates every lame pick up line because sometimes you have to take the bad with the good
… walks around with a smile on her face and makes people wonder what she is up to ;-)

high fructose corn syrup & other health topics

I was trying to be healthy and drink one 10 fl oz bottle of cranberry every day but silly me just read the label. Water, cranberry juice, high fructose corn syrup, cranberry juice concentrate, ascorbic acid. 43g of sugar. So that's the end of that. But I do have some organic apple cider vinegar. I mix one tablespoon with water drink that before bed each day. It balances the ph of the body and does all kinds of other good stuff.
I also just got my order of jojoba oil in the mail. I will be using that everyday after my shower to help my skin stay hydrated. I really have to be vigilant to fight off the aging effect of the weather here.
Great service and product: www.jojobacompany.com
p.s. jojoba oil is an excellent massage oil. hee hee :-)

snap shot of life in Kuwait

Here’s a little story about life in Kuwait. A friend witnessed the following encounter and I consider him a reliable source so I feel comfortable sharing with you. All o the workers are called Third Country Nationals (TCN) which could include India, Bangladesh, and the Philippines to name a few. I would guess that makes a US citizen a First Country National. I’ve never heard of a Second Country National. Whatever. I need to Google that. Each apartment building has a haras which is pronounced harris, and he is the building handy-man. There is a building manager and he is a Kuwaiti with a nice office which is tucked away on the second floor away from the public.
So this particular story is about a haras who was having a fight with a little boy. The little boy kicked the haras in the groin. The man responded by slapping the boy. The boy ran off. The haras also ran off. Another haras came out. The boy came back with several female Kuwaitis and other children. The females were probably relatives and close friends of the boy and his mother. All the women and children began to beat the haras. They kicked him and hit him even after he was on the ground. If you were paying attention, you realize that this wasn’t even the original haras that committed the “offense”. Now we have no way of knowing if the 2 haras’ were related, or were friends, or were simply just countrymen. They both worked in the building by my friend. So the second haras took the beating for the first haras to allow him time to pack his bags and get to the airport. For you see, slapping the Kuwaiti was a crime punishable with jail time. My friend inquired later with his haras and found out that the fugitive successfully escaped and flew home to India. He can never return to Kuwait or he will face jail time. They will put a travel ban on his passport. He just lost his livelihood, his pay, his family will suffer now if he can’t find work at home. He’s lucky he has his passport. Many employers hold the passports and pretend that employee needs to pay a fee to get their passport back from the government. The worker is lucky if he ever is able to get enough money together to pay his employer. Essentially they are slave labor. Kuwaiti is considered one of the worst countries for human trafficking because the government allows this type of crime to exist. There is a lot of corruption in the labor department. Judging by the number of Indians working here, the money and risk must be worth it. Family is most important to the people of these so called Third World countries. TCN’s come here for years, sometimes 6 to 10 years to work and support their families back home. They work 6 or 7 days a week, live in cramped dirty housing, suffer the daily weather, and do it with humble austerity while being treating like a sub-human being.

Saturday 20June2009

We had a clear, dust free night. This week I learned the difference between a sand storm and dust storm. A sand storm is equivalent to hail or thunderstorm. It can last from a few minutes to a few hours. The wind is strong and the sand can do damage. Sometimes there is water mixed with the sand. It forms a nasty concoction of flying mud that is very difficult to remove once it adheres itself. A dust storm is like having constant cloud cover with the humidity hanging in the air that you could cut it with a knife – just replace the humidity with dust. You could reach out and grab it. A dust storm can last for long periods and just fluctuate in severity. Apparently this weather will continue until September - and get worse too.
I played with a fox tonight. The poor thing was so small I wasn’t even sure it was a fox. It had a long fluffy tail and large erect alert ears, a long narrow fox face. But his body. So small and thin. My buddy said that all look like that because of the general lack of resources for them. He came pretty close to me several times. They know we feed them. I was right in the middle of eating a piece of sweet potato pie so he got a nice chunk of that. A little vegetable for him. He came back for more. So I looked through my bag and tried the peanuts. I threw the first one shell and all. He took it off into the shadows. Came right back. I threw another one. But he didn’t pick it up. Ok. I shelled the next peanut and threw it. Gobble gobble. He was happy. Protein. Maybe a little dry. He kept smacking his lips and tongue like a dog with peanut butter. And so it went for a while until a vehicle came by. Off he went.
The ants and the birds woke up around 2:30 am. The rats came out at 3 or so. Still haven’t seen a snake!!!

How shall I judge thee?

How shall I judge Kuwait? Culture, economy, education, religion, weather, temperament, military strength, national resources, hospitality, charity, political structure, values,… the list goes on.
Who am I to judge? Can one person sit in judgment of another, of a race, of a country? I’m going to say yes. And I am going to call it “judging” for the very purpose of invoking the suggestion that my commentary is more than just perspective or opinion. I wish to develop an evaluation that would sufficiently analyze a country on a universal level. A person’s perspective on a country is simply their opinion of how that country suits them. And we all have different preferences. We use words like third world country to suggest we are talking about an economically, structurally, and politically under developed country. Our governmental and international groups rank countries by some of the criteria I mentioned earlier. I am sure someone somewhere has done this already but I need to do it for my one edification. And I get to use big words. Again, I seek to establish a set of criteria that is more universal and employees my theory of universal balance.
I will admit to being a little self-righteous in my judgment of Kuwait. A younger me would have simply been self righteous but this current me, a little older and wiser, can say that my self righteousness has evolved into self confidence. I have judged enough situations in my life to know that I am on the right track to seeking a universal truth, to know that my wisdom grows, and that my evolution serves the greater evolution of mankind.
So you may sit in judgment of me, and so on and so on… And when enough people have judged, and evolved, I will know I am on the right track. It is truly one person at a time. Each person’s judgment does count. We must know our own truth to create a collective truth. There are a few quotes out there that serve my point.
“Believe in something, because if you believe in nothing, you will fall for anything.”
“If each person swept their own front porch, the world would be a cleaner place.”
Something about keep your eyes clear; they are your window to the world. I have to look for the exact quotes and the credit for these.
The fact that mob mentality exists shows how important individual opinion is to a stable world. Without individual self confidence, the herd of sheep follows a lion anywhere including down the wrong path. One person can make a difference (Knight Rider, TV series). One person can sit in judgment. One person evolves then one group, one race, one country, one world.
I will look at each aspect of Kuwait in future blogs.

Mid-June update on my social life

Somewhere in the middle of June I wrote this about 3 am at work sitting alone in a tower and happy as could be. I can’t believe I’m getting paid for this and having fun the whole time. I am totally chilled out, relaxed, and living for today. Thank goodness this job is so easy for me because it is a nice transition back into the work world after being off for a year. I am contemplating getting serious about work a little bit. Not going back to who I was before but starting to use my brain for some industrious purpose again is what I mean to say. I think I have learned to have fun no matter what I am doing. Could the rest of my life really be this fun? Is this what I was missing out on all these years? Damn, I wasted the last 20 years in some ways. I know I had to learn things to be where I am today but I have such a sense of urgency to love every minute because I wasted so many minutes not loving life. I work, I play, I sleep, I make money, I laugh, I get driven around,… my world is in order. I know things will change but I have learned to live in the moment. I have finally learned that precious lesson. And when the change comes; I will live that, experience that, and relish the glory of that moment too.

chasing the green

I've been a little absent from posting... I've been posting for other jobs. I got a tip from someone about job openings and had to act on it.
And I once again have a niche for my computer skills here - I am reformatting resumes for people for 10 KD which is about 35 dollars. should be a nice little source of income... too bad my screen is 13" lol. So I had to work on the resumes given to me.
I have been hand writing my blog at work. I have about 6 pages that I will get up soon.

settled into my apartment

Ok, I need to get an attitude adjustment in reference to my roommate. I cannot allow her very existence to send me over the edge. She doesn’t actually do anything to me other than breathe and maybe sing out loud. I just can’t tolerate people like her. I also might be a little mad that she out played me. I love my view, I really like living across the street from my man, I’ve got all new everything in my apartment, the dry cleaners and shoppette are right down stairs. All in all I am very happy with my living situation. So what comes around goes around and she will get hers in her own good time. She is not worthy of any of my energy. So I went to the wholesale center Sunday with a coworker and picked up all kinds of stuff and got my chores done:
•I washed my sheets and towels, and regular laundry
•Took my uniforms to the cleaners
•Recharged the prepaid minutes on my phone
•Bought a phone for my magic jack but it’s not quite working yet. Not sure what’s up.
•Bought 2 large 4 shelf units for the kitchen and the bath
•I put all my kitchen stuff on the shelves and told my nice roommate to use my cabinet space.
•I put my 90 day supply of toiletries on the bathroom shelf and that cleared up the floor.
•I hung the extra curtain rod in the bathroom for my towels and bathing suit
•I put 6 hooks up in my bedroom for my pants, shirt, purse, bag, bath robe, and jewelry organizer. That really cleaned the floor because it was all laying around before
•There are 2 access panels in the ceiling of my bathroom. The last time we had a sand storm, I had sand on the floor and in the tub. So I taped the panels shut.
•I sprayed WD40 on all the door hinges and locks to quiet things down a bit.
•I made my protein drinks for the week.
•I cleaned out my work bag
•I procrastinated working on these guys' resumes that I should have been doing because they helped me at work

Kuwaiti Krud

Apparently Kuwaiti Krud is the unofficial name of the diarrhea I had for 2 weeks. One of my coworkers is a former soldier that deployed in Iraq. He says that there are 32 microorganisms in the air here that we don’t have in the United States. When the sand blows for a sand storm or dust storm, it stirs up all the micro critters and we breathe them in. So almost everybody goes through some type of adjustment, even if they don’t drink the water, eat shwarma, or otherwise risk their health on the local economy. When the military comes home from the Middle East, every single piece of equipment has to go through the wash racks. I have heard second hand stories about people getting really mad about the assholes at the wash rack making them do it again. If this microorganism theory is true, I can understand the wash rack inspectors being tough. I haven’t researched the microorganisms. I like saying Kuwaiti Krud too much to bother digging up the truth. For once, I don’t have OCD about researching something. Kuwaiti Krud…… Krud…. aigh aigh hee hee (make a sound like beavis and butthead)

19 Jun -after work Friday morning

Last night was wicked nasty. We a bad sand storm that lasted several hours and then it kicked up again later in the morning. I was in a shack but we had to keep opening the door to conduct business. There was sand everywhere. After 2 hours I had to go to the bathroom. I put on my mask, sunglasses, and headed over to the porta-potty. The wind blows in every direction, sometimes it’s a wall of sand coming at you. I made it inside the potty and the sand comes in through the vents. Every inch is covered in sand but fortunately the seat lid was down the whole time so as long as it doesn’t blow around too much in the next 5 minutes I won’t have sand up my ass.
I need to buy a pair of goggles at the PX that cost around $60. I should have brought my swimming goggles or yellow safety lenses with me tonight. I keep forgetting to put them in my bag! It seems like we are getting into sand storm season this week. This is just the first storm I had to work through.
When the storm was over, I began to clean up the shack. Sweeping sand with a half chewed up broom is so ineffective but that’s all we got. I used my baby wipes to clean up the table and equipment.
It sucked big time.

I just slept for 9.5 hours

I guess all the fun I've having for the last 5 weeks has caught up to me... and the physical demands of the job... I had to carry my rifle on my last shift slug at the ready... my shoulder and neck are all jacked up again. My neck hasn't bothered me since I got here until now. It will take days to work out the knot and the ache.
But otherwise I feel great. I have written several blogs on paper and need to put them on here. so watch for those soon. I just wanted to drop a quick note and let everyone know I am ok. Nothing going on in Iran is affecting us here - status quo - All these countries huff and puff a lot of hot air. Things are appear to more unstable to you at home then when you are here. It's partially a cultural difference and partially the news sensationalizing everything.

got my first shot at impressing the big boss

well, I know they've been watching me but.... my trainer told the big boss I was good at the computer and I am a spreadsheet guru (mostly true). The big boss asked me how to do something in Excel and I told him I would get him the instructions.... now I have to figure it out!!! Anybody know how to use a date field with color changing alerts as the date approaches? lol, it's all good. I'm willing to bet that he knows the answer and is testing me. They do dumb stuff like that here. He'll have my answer in 24 hours no matter. Admin here I come!

I hate sand, always have, always will

You know I'm not a beach person, don't like sand in my toes, grit of any kind.... We've had 4 days of sand storms. I've never seen it rain mud. We get a few drops and they are filled with sand. It leaves mud that dries instantly. Because it was mud, it doesn't blow away, it somehow is more permanent than sand. The windows are covered. It's nasty. I hate sand.
on a side note, I have strange little red dots on my feet. hmmm.... something new everyday. I'm going to guess sweat blisters. I've been rubbing bag balm on my feet before bed to prevent swamp feet. I hope the blisters clear up, at least not itch, so I can sleep!
good night. need to shower and get my 6 hours sleep.

sand storm

Last night was wicked nasty. We a bad sand storm that lasted several hours and then it kicked up again later in the morning. I was in a shack but we had to keep opening the door to conduct business. There was sand everywhere. After 2 hours I had to go to the bathroom. I put on my mask, sunglasses, and headed over to the porta-potty. The wind blows in every direction, sometimes it’s a wall of sand coming at you. I made it inside the potty and the sand comes in through the vents. Every inch is covered in sand but fortunately the seat lid was down the whole time so as long as it doesn’t blow around too much in the next 5 minutes I won’t have sand up my ass.
I need to buy a pair of goggles at the PX that cost around $60. I should have brought my swimming goggles or yellow safety lenses with me tonight. I keep forgetting to put them in my bag! It seems like we are getting into sand storm season this week. This is just the first storm I had to work through.
When the storm was over, I began to clean up the shack. Sweeping sand with a half chewed up broom is so ineffective but that’s all we got. I used my baby wipes to clean up the table and equipment.
It sucked big time.

irritated, misunderstood, and otherwise engaged

Those of you who know me, know how much I hate seams that irritate my skin. I am wearing an underarmor compression t-shirt and the seam around the neck is rubbing. I buffed it with a nail file and it helped a little. I need to do it some more though.

Yesterday I was irritated by the language barrier. There is a mosque across the street. I am not sure if they are buidling it, redoing it or what but there is construction material all over the place. There are some shelves sitting there that would go nicely in the kitchen! I went over early in the day. Some Kuwaiti pulled up in a BMW. I asked if he spoke English but he said no. This was going to be hard. I tried to ask if the shelves were garbage or trash. I tried to show that I wanted to pick them up and carry them away. He thought I meant the wooden pallets and said yes. when I grabbed the shelves, I got a flurry of No No No. He gestured they were going back inside the mosque. Damn. Then he starts making hand gestures and asking family questions. Family, married, kids? etc. He was holding his hands in front of him with the index finger extended, other fingers curled. He moved his hands side to side bringing the fingers together. I vaguely recall seeing that before somewhere and didn't like where this conversation was going. I think, I can't say for sure, but I think that gesture means sex. I started saying No No No and backing up. I will tell you that I have a spring loaded gerber knife in my pocket at all times. I practice. I wasn't in any danger really. I just kept backing up and walked away. I am lucky that he didn't follow but the guards are by the building.
So my attempt to negotiate with a Kuwaiti failed. No news there really.
Yesterday afternoon, I walked down the street a few blocks to get something to eat. I called for delivery but they said the driver was out. It's not far but the roads are narrow, full of garbage, rif-raf, and vagrants. This is an internet, pool hall, and restaurant geared for Americans. It's a target because of that. It things get heated up, we won't be able to go there anymore. Just delivery to the buidling maybe, definitely not your room. As if they don't know where all the Americans live.
Anyways, the staff was very nice. I think she said her name was Ursa and after some conversation, she said she would deliver just for me. Which isn't true, but what she was saying was that now that we had a "relationship" started she would deliver to me. It's all about building that relationship here. So while I was waiting for my food a Kuwaiti came in. He of course sat next to me at the bar/waiting area. I was getting my food to go but ordered ice tea while I waited. I knew I didn't want to be here long. He sat a sachel on the counter and flipped it open. There was a pistol in a holster inside. Mental note to self. He struck up a conversation. He was a Kuwaiti policeman in civilians. He asked where I was from. We tell people Canada but they know I'm American. The 2 Asian staff, probably Phillipino, translate a little for us. He decides to show me his pistol. Great. He's showing off. He doesn't remove the pistol completely from the holster or the clip but he shows he his spare clip. Only 4 rounds. Good intel. Wish I was getting paid for this. And the bullets are worn and old looking. I'd actually be afraid to shoot with them. The staff is worried that I am getting scared. I smile at them and we make gestures behind his head. The conversation continues. He's asking about my family which seems to be another way of asking if you're married or have kids. Since I'm not married or have kids, the word family still means siblings and parents to me. He offers to pay for my food and drink. There is a little of tone from the staff when they explain to me that will allow him to pay for my drink but not my food. I'm not really sure what is happening but I say thank you trying not to be rude. To redirect the conversation, I ask him where the police station is but the conversation comes back to me. Some where in the confusion, marriage came up I think. I begin to get my money out to pay and gather my belongings. There are 4 people talking at once. I lay some money down and start to head out. The staff try to reassure me that it's safe to come back. I smile and slither away. He doesn't follow me which is surprising. I keep an eye out all the way home and enter my buidling through another door far from my own side. Just another day in paradise.

Monday's post June 15

I am now writing in Word, then copy/paste here. This allows me to spell check as well not sit on this webpage where others can see what I am doing.
I can’t believe I haven’t posted anything since the 10th. You know that can only mean one of 2 or 3 possible things. I was working a lot, I was sick, or I found a new man. Fortunately it’s the last one. I have a new man. I am just having the time of my life.

My last post said 5th and final day of work but I must have been delirious from lack of sleep because I had another night to go. I have truly been discombobulated. I walk into things, bump my head getting in and out of the car, forget words, forget was I was doing at any given moment. Thank goodness folks around me are looking out for me, or looking for me, looking at me,…. Any which way, they are helping me. I am liking the night shift. I get a decent amount of sleep and staying awake hasn’t been too much of a problem. If I am working alone, I can sit and amuse myself with my creative mind. I am going to start writing some of those books I talk about. I have to do it on a tablet though because we are not allowed to have our laptops or other technology at the job site. I’m still too new to push the limits of what I can and can’t do.

Since I got paid Friday, I paid bills and whatnot that afternoon. That was a good feeling. I have money to spare too! I have to spend some extra money to get a few things for the apartment and clothing I need for work. I have 2 days off a week and I’m afraid I’ll spend too much on my weekends consequently not saving as much I want to. It’s the balance between having a life and working towards a goal. I am trying to get a job that I call “up north” meaning Afghanistan or Iraq. It’s more money, more hours, worse conditions, and less opportunity to spend/screw around wasting time. Is my goal of getting to school worth sacrifice a year of my life working 6 or 7 days a week? If I stay in Kuwait it will take me a year and half or maybe even 2 to save enough money. I can make the financial goal in one year up north. I don’t know the answer so all I can do is try and see what opportunities present themselves. Do I really want to go to a war zone as things are escalating? Iran is acting up... North Korea is acting up… things are relatively safe here in Kuwait. We would become a target at this location if things light up. You know I never make decisions on what is safe. The riskier the better is my motto lately. Go for it. I may also get some other interesting jobs with this company that would make even better money and the same risk so that would be nice. I’m working all the angles.
So a quick summary for the last few days – I’m feeling better, stomach is calming down, got some sleep, found a groove, work is going well.

damn she just walked in

wasn't even home for me to annoy. She's got one of the goofy guys with her. can't deal. time to get ready for work. I finished eating some vegetable and fried noodle from down the street. still hungry.............

it's war of the roommates

It's on. I can't even believe they moved psycho roommate to admin or operations. First off I can't believe that she is still here. She is not dealing with a full deck and has intentionally not done well at work. Bitch. It worked. She's sitting in an office in the air conditioning while the rest of us are working. She's getting the same hours and the same pay. I was told that if I fell out of a truck I would be moved to admin. I can't fake it. can't do it. There's nothing worse in my book than her type. Weak, crazy, lame, fake, manipulator.
She left a cutting board with crums on the sink and crums everywhere. I was a millisecond away from putting the board under her door with a note to clean up after herself. I've been contemplating other actions. Evil me is making plans. I know any negative action on my part will come back at me ten fold. I'm doing well at work. Don't screw it up now. I like my room. I like my other roommate. I like living across the street from my man. But there are nicer places. Apartments with gyms and restaurants. Do you know how much shit I have? It would be such a pain to move. Really, that's the only thing holding me back. I was hoping she'd quit. If she's admin, she's not going anywhere. she's sitting pretty. Fuck. I don't want to assume it will be better where I will go. grass isn't always greener. But now she's under my skin bad. I can't let her fuck this up for me. got to get the right perspective on this situation.
In the meantime, I have MTV blasting on the TV. I hope she's trying to sleep. She never leaves her room so you can't tell what she's doing in there.
I have the room change form. Well, if this is the only bad thing that happens to me..... I can deal. Time to fill out the form.

5th and final night of work tonight

I worked outside last night, watching the sand blow. Work is in the desert, like everything else here. There is only a chain link fench with some barb wire that delineates in and out of work. To the wild life, the chain link fence has become a habitat. The garbage, i.e. potential food and water & shelter, collects on the fence line. It's actually a little like national geographic out there - varmin, hedge hogs, birds, snakes, scorpions, camels, horses, wild cats, wild dogs, and all kinds of weird bugs. If you can catch a scorpion and camel spider, I heard it makes a good fight. I am sure I'll be brave and/or stupid one of these nights and try it.
Right now I am not feeling well. I've had stomach issues/diahrrea off and on for the last 2 weeks. I am sure it will settle down but last night was rough. The lack of sleep and schedule change probably made it all worse.
almost home, good night..............................
one more night to go and I have 2 days off.

work schedule & roommates

so to finish up my work schedule, I get home around 7:30 am. I usually run to the bathroom, take a shower, eat a little something and try to get to bed. But the rest of the world is waking up. My phone starts buzzing. I try to be in bed by 8 so I can get 7 hours but if I end up on the phone with somebody, It's 9 and I get 5 hours sleep. Some of the shift goes directly to the pool when we get back to our building to cool off and settle in. It's hard to go straight to sleep. You'll be sitting on the bus home, ready to zonk out, but then as soon as you get home and start your routine, bam, you're awake. So you either have to go straight to bed and literally not do a single thing other than take off your clothes or hurry to get things done & take a sleeping pill. I have discovered that if I take one tylenol PM, I can get up in 6 hours no problem. I don't think I can do the straight to bed routine because that means your going to bed dirty and nasty. There's no way I have time to wash my sheets sufficiently to do that.
After a paycheck or two I will get a maid. It is so cheap and I've heard good things. I think it's like 7KD a month for once a week which is $26. That way I can enjoy my days off and I won't tick off my roommate.
oh, so let me update you on the roommates. During the initial weeks, my first roommate accused me of stealing stuff from her room. She also accused one of my friends and had a whole paranoid view of what was going on in the world. I filed a 7 page report with my sargeant. I don't have a printer so I had to hand write it. ugh. I don't need to disparage her or go into details because her world is spinning around as a result of who she is right now. It's her situation to deal with more so than mine. I filed my report and the powers to be know how it is. Suffice to say, I was offered to move into one of my superiors apartments but unrelated circumstances prevented that from happening. Now that we are on opposite shifts, she's day shift, we don't see each other. I was worried that she would accuse me of stealing her food, laundry, etc but like I said, the report is on file, and my ass is covered going forward. They are "monitoring" her.
Then last week another roommate shows up. She is super nice and sweet. I totally hit the jackpot with this one. She is originally from Ethiopia but her English is pretty good. She was living in US prior to coming here. She cooked a dish from Ethiopia the first night and shared with me. It was delicious and flavourful. You would have been surprised that I ate it. Then she went to the market that night with a friend of hers that lives here. She bought 2 scarfs and let me pick one out that I liked. It was Aqua/light teal colored. perfect. matched half of my stuff. And then 2 days later she left some spaghetti dinner in the fridge for me.
I was going to move to another apartment but I think I'll hang out for a while. Hopefully roommate number 1 will move on to something else. Win some, loose some.....

not pinched yet but...

I just got off the phone with one of my cab drivers. He made up some story about sorry he missesd my call last night. yeah, I didn't call him. He was flirting hard. But he's cool. He's a local resource. He's from Yemen, lived in the US and speaks several languages. His english is excellent. I told him I want to talk about the muslim culture and women's rights. I want to see about helping women with whistles like we do in the US.
Anyways, he is like 10th guy on my tail, seriously on my tail. This is not to mention the casual one hit wonders. I had to verbal beat down this co-worker today. He comes over trying to correct what he perceived as a deficiency in my uniform. Then telling me he's doing it for my own benefit because other people might say something. Let them. I'm right, he's wrong but he thinks he has seniority. He keeps on other stuff trying to tell us how to do things. Then he wants to know my age, then where I'm from, blah blah blah. Have I been to Kuwait City? Would I like a city tour? I told him I had friends that I was going to go around with. Then he really starts. Come on, I'll rent a car, and give you a tour. Don't you want to go? Don't you at least want my number? What about my e-mail? I said, "how about your social security number?" He persisted. I said, "look here, you come over here giving me a hard time and then ask me if I want to go on a tour? I don't think so." It took about 7 no's to get rid of him. Little punk ass too. He ignored me the rest of the morning.

third night of work.

Ya know, it's funny what a person can get used to and live with. A lot of people sitting in a comfortable or complacent point in their life say things like "I would never tolerate such and such" or "what was that person thinking" or "why didn't so & so know better/demand more". Tolerating inequities around you, knowing that you can't change certain things and existing in a life than perfect world is not a sign of weakness or low self esteem. Quite the opposite. A person who toils with the daily struggle to achieve a goal they have set, take care of their families, or simply exist without perishing has achieved the greatest possible level of self evolution and understanding of their own existance.
Many of you have asked why I would come here and subject myself to the harsh conditions, hard work, and possibly danger. I have begun to feel a bit of the pain this week as I start working the night shift. The first night was easy, everything was new and fresh so the stimulus kept you going. Second night, the drag from the lack of sleep and food starts to catch you. The newness is gone, the routine begins. Third night, hmm, might be ok. I am starting to develop a routine. So here it is:
2pm wake up, eat breakfast, check e-mail, check bank account, brush teeth, wash face, stretch, push-ups, sit-ups, put my hair up, clean out my bag, prepare food and protein drink for ride, put on uniform, double check everything I just did, and head out to the bus 2 hours later. Ride to work with a bunch of other smelly tired people wearing the same uniform they had on yesterday, covered in the same sand, having the same conversations. When we get to work, we have about an hour and some to draw our weapons from the armory, put our gear up, bathroom, admin, supply check, text message the new man, formation, orders, post assignments, ass chewing, and then we are sent to work.
We rotate positions to keep things fresh. On of the assignments is checking ID's at the gate as people come in. Apparently the new people are always assigned there. So every 2 weeks, the "customers" coming on post are checking out the new meat. I have already been asked to handcuff some guy. Some of the guys are going to get whiplash looking at me. It's really funny. I am wearing a baggy tan uniform, a safety vest, hat, etc, nothing to get excited about. Yeah, I have a nice smile, but not nice enough to warrant the overt and ridiculous behaviour of the deprived men coming through my lane. Oops, I digress from my topic of suffering. So I am standing out front for several hours before my shift ends. The sun is just coming up high enough to need sunglasses as we move out to the buses. I keep my sunglasses in a pocket in my shirt, behind velcro, and under the safety vest. When I take them out in the morning, it looks like saw dust covering them. This stuff is on my clothes, in my nose, on my bags laying on the pallet by the guard shack. I'm tired, been on my feet for most of the shift, been harassed, put up with bullshit company politics that would make for a really good movie if I wasn't in it, and haven't eaten very well. The night shift gets to eat chow at 11:15 pm and the menu is limited. I am juggling my menu around trying to figure out what to eat when to keep my energy up. The night time temperature right is nice, mid 80's but humid. The effective temperature on our bodies is much higher. I need to my final prep for arrival at work. The bus has cleared the first gate. see you in the morning :-)
I haven't forgotten the topic at hand, I can't, the sacrifices are on going and I am surrounded by other foreign nationals making the same choices, much harder than mine as they have spouses and children they left behind.